Thursday, March 22, 2012

How to Get Unfriended on Facebook

Ah, Spring Break. It really just sweetens the fact that it's noon and I'm blogging in my pajamas. I'm falling out of love with Facebook. But I think everyone is. I rarely update my status, and mostly use it now to post cute pictures of puppies to my roommate's wall. Because of this disenchantment, I've also tried to cut down on the number of "friends" I have.  It's also because I honestly don't care about what half of these people post.

Here are five sure-fire ways to get unfriended by me. (Or maybe just hidden if I still kind of like you).

1. If you post statuses about how "in looooove" you are with your snuggly boo bear. It's so sweet I think I just got a cavity. You're 13 and have been dating 4 days. Stop.

2. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you make ambiguous statuses about how "certain people sometimes just don't understand and they hurt me anyway and now I'm moving on so take that SIR." I'm sorry you're having relationship problems. But don't you think it would help if you actually talked to someone rather than venting your anger on the internet? Something tells me it won't get you far.

3. You're pregnant (or a new mom) and suddenly the world revolves around you. No, I don't want to see pictures of your stretch-marked belly or more pictures of your kid in another Winnie the Pooh onesie. Believe it or not, life goes on and the rest of us have things to do.

4. If you complain ALL THE TIME about how bad traffic is, how the service at the restaurant was terrible, how your food was disgusting, how your airline sucked, how your $50,000 car got a door ding, how you hate your job, hate your weird second cousin, hate your cat. Really? Really?

5. Farmville. Enough said.

I think it's time for another friend purge. It cleanses the soul. Who doesn't love soul-cleasning?

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